This morning I decided to go for a three mile run while it was still cool, (for Phoenix, that is!). It was about 102 degrees when I took off, and for a few minutes I was alone with my thoughts. As some of my readers know, I was asked to dissociate from my company this week and the prospects of getting the money I am owed are a bit dim. I don't know if it was the warm temperature or just my depraved mind, but as the laps went by, my mind drifted toward thoughts of revenge.
I have received several correspondences from some of my readers that are encouraging me to sue the chief of the company, or even have him "whacked". (I am sure that was a joke!) Just the fact that I abandoned my family for nearly five months by moving to California to earn some money, and the fact that this was the first truly substantial paycheck that I was due, and the fact that I have another one of my six children going to college this year, would dictate that SOMETHING be done!
I have agonized over this. My daily time in the Bible has been hindered by my thoughts. God, what do you want me to do? First, let's look at scripture. Hebrews 12:15 "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled." With my eyes wide open, I am allowing a "root of bitterness" to spring up and thereby "defile many". In the last couple of days, I have caught myself, worse yet, NOT caught myself verbally attacking my wife. I have been short and impatient with my kids and I'm sure if you happened to be in an automobile driving in my vicinity in the last couple of days, you would concur that D. L. is defiling many. Let's get this straight. This conflagration is self-ignited and the chief of my company has NOTHING to do with it.
It is amazing how this thing works. I couldn't believe how the chief ignored my heartfelt apology. He wrote me an email and told me that no apology would ever be accepted. From my perspective, the only thing I did wrong, was not misstating any facts, but stating them in a harsh way. How dare he?!? I immediately ran to Matthew 18:21-27 "Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. “When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. “But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. “So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ “And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt." "
There you have it! I didn't owe the chief 150,000 years' wages, the value of ten thousand talents, at most I owed him an apology! By golly, he OWES me forgiveness! As usual, my heart lead me astray. Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all else and is desperately wicked. Who can know it?" I neglected to look at the REST of the story. Matthew 18:28-35 “But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ “So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ “But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. “So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. “Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ‘Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ “And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” In this story, I am the evil slave. God is the king. How can I who owes SO MUCH MORE that I can ever repay to God, hold ANYONE else to a self-manufactured standard?
So what must my attitude be toward those who hurt me? First, I cannot get my "pound of flesh". Romans 12:19 "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord." Hey, that sounds good. If I can't get revenge, at least I have the solace of knowing that God will get 'em later! Is THAT the right attitude? Resoundingly, God says NO! Proverbs 24:17 "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles."
The day after the chief wrote me his email, his wife had a heart attack. She is in critical condition and in intensive care. I sent the chief an email and told him that my family and I would be praying for her. I am asking my readers to PLEASE pray for his wife Geri, and for my heart to follow my actions.
His servant,
D. L. Culiver
I have received several correspondences from some of my readers that are encouraging me to sue the chief of the company, or even have him "whacked". (I am sure that was a joke!) Just the fact that I abandoned my family for nearly five months by moving to California to earn some money, and the fact that this was the first truly substantial paycheck that I was due, and the fact that I have another one of my six children going to college this year, would dictate that SOMETHING be done!
I have agonized over this. My daily time in the Bible has been hindered by my thoughts. God, what do you want me to do? First, let's look at scripture. Hebrews 12:15 "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled." With my eyes wide open, I am allowing a "root of bitterness" to spring up and thereby "defile many". In the last couple of days, I have caught myself, worse yet, NOT caught myself verbally attacking my wife. I have been short and impatient with my kids and I'm sure if you happened to be in an automobile driving in my vicinity in the last couple of days, you would concur that D. L. is defiling many. Let's get this straight. This conflagration is self-ignited and the chief of my company has NOTHING to do with it.
It is amazing how this thing works. I couldn't believe how the chief ignored my heartfelt apology. He wrote me an email and told me that no apology would ever be accepted. From my perspective, the only thing I did wrong, was not misstating any facts, but stating them in a harsh way. How dare he?!? I immediately ran to Matthew 18:21-27 "Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. “When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. “But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. “So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ “And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt." "
There you have it! I didn't owe the chief 150,000 years' wages, the value of ten thousand talents, at most I owed him an apology! By golly, he OWES me forgiveness! As usual, my heart lead me astray. Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all else and is desperately wicked. Who can know it?" I neglected to look at the REST of the story. Matthew 18:28-35 “But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ “So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ “But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. “So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. “Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ‘Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ “And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” In this story, I am the evil slave. God is the king. How can I who owes SO MUCH MORE that I can ever repay to God, hold ANYONE else to a self-manufactured standard?
So what must my attitude be toward those who hurt me? First, I cannot get my "pound of flesh". Romans 12:19 "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord." Hey, that sounds good. If I can't get revenge, at least I have the solace of knowing that God will get 'em later! Is THAT the right attitude? Resoundingly, God says NO! Proverbs 24:17 "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles."
The day after the chief wrote me his email, his wife had a heart attack. She is in critical condition and in intensive care. I sent the chief an email and told him that my family and I would be praying for her. I am asking my readers to PLEASE pray for his wife Geri, and for my heart to follow my actions.
His servant,
D. L. Culiver
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